10 Things You Never Hear In Teaching

March 1, 2008

I have never heard:

“Our students have too much self-esteem.”

“Annabel and Mary, please stop bothering Lee and Jordan. They are working hard and you are putting them off with your silly behaviour.”

“As SENCO I have been involved in dealing with Reece’s behaviour problems. It turns out that they are due to the fact he is a bad person. I have written this in his IEP.”

“Well I would ask you to do that, but it’s really not your job.”

“We have also analysed our results by ethnicity and gender. Afro-Caribean boys are our highest achievers, but our results are being dragged down by Asian girls.”

“PSHE is my favourite lesson”

“I don’t know my rights.”

“Remember children, if you fail your GCSEs you are a loser and you will have a rubbish life”.

“Today’s assembly is about responsibilities and duties.”

“Kids today are so much better behaved than they used to be.”

Please feel free to add your own suggestions.



  1. Humm

    That IEP has been really useful, I’ve done everything you suggested.

    Yes, that child has some real problems, I’ll make sure the funding is there.

    We allow play fighting, a bit of rough and tumble is good for a growing lad.

    Our Headteacher? Hardly in their office, always helping out. And we always know why they’re not in certain days.

    Those advisors? Aren’t they brilliant! Genuinely inspiring people.

    I feel so free to innovate now.


  2. And ….

    (Spoken by SENCO / TA / LSA etc ….) Well Child X was really badly behaved for me, but I kept them in this group work. No, no, you put up with it, so I did too.

  3. “Remember children, if you fail your GCSEs you are a loser and you will have a rubbish life”.

    I have actually heard this in a real classroom. However, by this point the Teacher had pretty much lost any hope and was in a situation when calling a 13 year old girl a slapper wasn’t something she would be reported on. Didn’t make behavior any better, just more equal. The pupils behaved as badly as the teachers.

  4. Thanks for making me laugh with this post.
    Can I add:

    “My academic high-flyers are Jordan, Reece, Connor, Cherelle and Chantelle”

    “There IS a drugs problem in this school but we’re dealing with it, by ignoring it”

    “The senior management team lead by example”

  5. “There IS a drugs problem in this school but we’re dealing with it, by ignoring it”

    I half I think I have heard that one…

    Perhaps I read it in the school prospectus?

  6. “Yes, Mrs. Smith. Your child is now suspended from school. You know the rules: 47 Strikes and You’re Out.”

    “I seriously doubt your child suffers from attention deficit issues. I’m probably just not doing enough to maintain his attention.”

    “Of course I have enough time to grade papers, prep for lessons tomorrow, rearrange all my student groupings based on today’s benchmark data, liven up my classroom environment, create pre-assessments, and atttend three IEP meetings today. After all, I do have 30 minutes of prep time after school.”

  7. “That course was really good. I’m sure that if I write down a ‘happy thought’ and place it inside the little medicine bottle that the highly paid course provider gave us, then I’m bound to feel cheered up the next time a kid tells me to ‘f*** off’.”

    “I particularly enjoyed the team-building section. I’m 47 years old, rotund and dressed for work. I think that being requested to jump in and out of car tyres in front of my colleagues is a wonderful idea.”

    “Isn’t it wonderful that all our senior managers joined in, instead of hiding in their offices?”

  8. “Our management take pride in leading by example.”

  9. Ohhh…another round of levelling and marking for progression. Goodie

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